p04, panel 2: "... and defeated (the) novas for the first time." p06, "This is what 'Type Maria' IS" or "This is what 'Type MariaS' ARE"
p07, panel 1: "AS SUCH, they have a compability rate no pandora COULD hope to (EVER?) ACHIEVE" p07, panel 2: possibly substitute "correct" with "appropriate"
p08, panel 3 "...why DID Chevalier begIn the E-Pandora project (possibly add: "...in the first place?" - or short version "why did Chevalier EVEN begin the E-P project?") p08 panel 3, scientist: "Because there STILL are some problems, (word order, not wrong, but unelegant) p08 panel 5: "THUS I can only disclose" or "HENCE I can only disclose ..." p08 panel 5: "After all I couldn't POSSIBLY imagine you to RIOT (verb)..." or "START/BEGIN A RIOT" (noun) - (possibly "to revolt"/"to rebell" might do better as a verb, depending on the original meaning - likewise "to imagine" could be substituted with "to expect" ...
p09 panel 2 "..no other Pandora will EVER need to fight again" p09 panel 2 "you may go back to BEING normal girls" p09 panel 3 "I need BUT one more year"
p10, same thing: "going back to BEING normal girls"
p12 bottom: "Neccessary for the future of ALL mankind"
p14/15 either "Do you think I will BELIEVE YOUR LIES again?" or "Do you think I will TRUST IN your lies again?"
p16 "this barrier disconnectS your ..."
p17 "I've given up on everything ELSE in my life for it" (not entirely sure on this one but prly still better than the alternative :P) or maybe simply "I have given up on everything for it" that everything entails the things in life is implicit...
last page: "THIS IS WHY ... they say that... humans never learn"
Your welcome, and thx for the awesome work.
In the long run you might try find an english native speaker for proofreads, I am not a native and yet found these ;)
grazie! I'm american, learning Italian and Japanese, and I like that I can feel the nuances of the native language of the comic seep through. It displays a more natural feel than completely rewriting an artists work. You are very good at this.
proofread:
ReplyDeletep04, panel 2: "... and defeated (the) novas for the first time."
p06, "This is what 'Type Maria' IS" or "This is what 'Type MariaS' ARE"
p07, panel 1: "AS SUCH, they have a compability rate no pandora COULD hope to (EVER?) ACHIEVE"
p07, panel 2: possibly substitute "correct" with "appropriate"
p08, panel 3 "...why DID Chevalier begIn the E-Pandora project (possibly add: "...in the first place?" - or short version "why did Chevalier EVEN begin the E-P project?")
p08 panel 3, scientist: "Because there STILL are some problems, (word order, not wrong, but unelegant)
p08 panel 5: "THUS I can only disclose" or "HENCE I can only disclose ..."
p08 panel 5: "After all I couldn't POSSIBLY imagine you to RIOT (verb)..." or "START/BEGIN A RIOT" (noun) - (possibly "to revolt"/"to rebell" might do better as a verb, depending on the original meaning - likewise "to imagine" could be substituted with "to expect" ...
p09 panel 2 "..no other Pandora will EVER need to fight again"
p09 panel 2 "you may go back to BEING normal girls"
p09 panel 3 "I need BUT one more year"
p10, same thing: "going back to BEING normal girls"
p12 bottom: "Neccessary for the future of ALL mankind"
p14/15 either "Do you think I will BELIEVE YOUR LIES again?" or "Do you think I will TRUST IN your lies again?"
p16 "this barrier disconnectS your ..."
p17 "I've given up on everything ELSE in my life for it" (not entirely sure on this one but prly still better than the alternative :P) or maybe simply "I have given up on everything for it" that everything entails the things in life is implicit...
last page: "THIS IS WHY ... they say that... humans never learn"
Your welcome, and thx for the awesome work.
In the long run you might try find an english native speaker for proofreads, I am not a native and yet found these ;)
O_O (thanks!)
Deleteforgot p04 "you should ALREADY have heard of Maria ..." (word order)
ReplyDeleteno, it can be written either way. "Already" can go before or after the verb, just like frequency adjectives in Italian.
Deletemeh, appologies, my mistake he's right. That correction also applies to p08 p3 "STILL" than. Think the rest I mentioned is ok though :)
Deletegrazie! I'm american, learning Italian and Japanese, and I like that I can feel the nuances of the native language of the comic seep through. It displays a more natural feel than completely rewriting an artists work. You are very good at this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your Freezing translation !!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the scanlations they're always a nice surprise to my day :)
ReplyDelete